


We Could Have Been

by MysticallyGallavich



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Gallavich, Love, M/M, cannon up to 3x06, prompt, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2018-10-01 18:03:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10195781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticallyGallavich/pseuds/MysticallyGallavich
Summary: Prompt : Mickey hits Terry who passes out and then makes go away Ian. So no rape. Iggy comes back home and finds out the truth and he helps Mickey. Ian frightened by what happened with Terry decided to leave for the army. But his family know everything. Mandy knows too in fact she will be the one that will tell Mickey about the army.--cannon up to 3x06 and then not.When Ian and Mickey took complete different paths in love, can they find there way back to eachother like they were meant to?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AngyTrouble](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=AngyTrouble).



> This was a prompt, and it was meant to be a one-shot, but considering im sitting at 8k right now, i decided to make it a multi. Hope you like it I've sort of gotten lost in it over the last week. Im leaving the chapter number open ended until I know how long itll take to finish it. 
> 
> Full prompt below: 
> 
> My idea was that during 3x06, Mickey hits Terry who passes out and then makes go away Ian. So no rape. Iggy comes back home and finds out the truth and he helps Mickey. Ian frightened by what happened with Terry decided to leave for the army. But his family know everything. Mandy knows too in fact she will be the one that will tell Mickey about the army. (like the return but not.) 
> 
> Added Detaills:  
> Just passed out but then he will die anyway but not because of Mickey.  
> Mickey sends Ian away for rectify the situation.  
> Mickey starts to feeling depressed because of the situation, so Iggy will tell Mandy about him and Ian and then decides to make him go to school for the GED ( he will take it) and they start to have a decent life and job.  
> I thought that I would love to have Mickey work with childrens who have suffered abused or that they are orphans  
> During his job, he has knew a kid or more and he has decided to take care of them. So the adoption part  
> When Ian comes home, Mickey has a fiance and they are preparing for the wedding (??)  
> If you can, could you please make Ian fight for Mickey  
> (Mickey's boyfriend is good to him, and a nice guy, not a douchebag. He makes ian regret a lot of things.)

The screaming, the loud noises, all Ian could see was blurry figures.  Terry had caught them, and It was all a mess after that. He felt himself slowly pass out, the screaming of Mickey and someone else lulling him to sleep somehow.

\--

“Fuck!” Mickey screams.  Ian has passed out, along with Terry who was out fucking cold. After being hit over the head with a bat, but what the fuck ever.

  
“The fuck!!?” Mickey hears Iggy at the door staring at the scene before him. “The fuck happened.

“Uh..Dad attacked Ian…So I…”

 

“is he dead?” Iggy asks and Mickey rushes to Ian’s side, checking his pulse, making sure he’s okay. He has to fucking be okay.

 

“Not him fuckhead. Stop checking your boyfriend. I meant dad.”

 

“Don’t fucking care. And how’d you know?” He asks looking at his brother.

 

“Besides the fact that you and he are both in your boxers, beaten up pretty bad? You ain’t as sneaky as you think little bro.” Iggy answers and shakes his head, going to his father, and ignoring his brothers sudden defensive state. He understands it because, well look at what had happened here. So yeah he fucking got it.  “Look, get him out of here. I’ll deal with Terry if he comes to.  He can’t be here if Dad wakes up.” And Mickey nods. He grabs Ian’s clothes and tries to get Ian up but just ends up pulling a half naked Ian Gallagher over his shoulder, while wrapping blankets around him and heading out towards the Gallagher house. He had to get him home.

 

 

Ian woke up alone, in his bed with an ice pack to his face. He wondered to himself how he got home, he remembered the incident but he had no idea how he got here or what happened to Mickey. Mickey. The thought  struck him, sent shivers down his spine and he had to know. He raised up quickly and hunted. Fuck he hurt. He heard himself call out, scream out for Mickey but he couldn't more and suddenly he was rushed with gallaghers.

 

He gets the call in the middle of the night, but atleast it’s something right.

“Whats going on?” Ian asks panicking.

 

“Everything is fine, I’m taking care of it. I just wanted to call and say it’s all fine, and that you should just live your life ya know? Be happy.”

 

“Oh god, is he dead?”

 

“I didn’t kill him Ian, it’s fine. Just, me and you, this thing, it’s not gonna work or whatever.”  And then mickey is gone, and Ian’s whole world is black.

 

 

 

\--

 

Ian doesn't know what to do, for weeks he doesn't know what to do: mickey won't  see him or talk to him, he can't do this anymore. He can't be here waiting and hoping because he's sure that it's over. He's tired, so very tired of fighting and wishing something would change and that's what brings him here, here to the army recruiting office. He had decided, this is what he was going to do.  He had the paper in his hand that said he had graduated. It had taken some convincing but he did it. And with his birthday right around the corner, this was it.   In a week he would turn 18 and he would be off, he would no longer be waiting for Mickey to love him.  He would move on somewhere far away.

\--

Mickey couldn't think straight. His father was dead. Not at his own hand but the timing certainly didn't help mickeys guilty conscience. At the same time, terry being dead meant Ian was safe. He was safe and if he really wanted he could have what he wanted. Or he could have but he had told Ian to go away and he had. He had gone away? In fact he had stopped trying to call and find Mickey over a month ago and Mickey may not ever admit it, but he missed him. He knew that if Ian called one more time he would go to him, he would take him in his arms and tel him that he's sorry and he wants everything Ian wants to.

 

That doesn't happen. Ian doesn't call.  Mickey tries to call Ian and there's no answer.

 

It's a few more weeks before iggy appears again.  He tries to pull Mickey out his apparent depression but it doesn't work. Mickey wants Ian, he needs to find Ian so iggy is the one who picks up the phone to call Mandy.

“Hey shitthead.” She says

“Hey sis. You seen red?” Iggy asks

“Who wants to know? You or that piece of shit brother of ours?” She asks with a bite to her words.  So she deffinetly knew what iggy knew by now.

“He doesn't know I'm calling but yeah for him more than me.”

 

“I'll come by and tell him in person.” She says.

 

“He's like ok right?” Iggy asks softly.

“Physically he's fine for now.” She states.”

\--

 

Mickey looks back and forth to his siblings who are sitting in front of him looking like he's gonna break and he rolls his eyes and grabs another beer.

“What is this? An intervention?” He bites

“It should be but no. Iggy asked me about Ian, so I'm here to tell you where he is and be done with it.” She says. She's angry he can tell, which means one thing, Ian finally broke down and told her about them. He'd like to punch Ian for that, but he won't, he understands it. He doesn't even know what Ian must think.

 

“Ok. Out with it.” Mickey says his defenses deffinetly up.

“He's gone.” She says

“Gone where?” He says

“The exact location I'm not aware of. Up north somewhere. He won't be there long though. That's just for basic.” She  says.

 

“Huh?” He asks not fully understanding what she's getting at.

“He joined the army mick.”

“He's not old enough! He needs a diploma. They already told him that.”

“He has everything he needs Mickey. He graduated early. He had a birthday Mickey.” She says softly.

“Why…”

“Why do you think…you” she says simply.

“He's running away?” Its more a statement than a question.

“Maybe a little but can you blame him Mickey? He loves you, he might not say it but you didn't see him after…and when I told him about dad, he says you'll never forgive him because it's somehow his fault. That you'll never feel…how he does…so he's leaving.”


	2. The time in between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events that bring ian and Mickey to where they are today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more of a setup but more coming. i promise

\--

Mickey doesn't break down that day or the next one but he does it alone after he kicks both of his siblings out of his house one night and he loses his mind for weeks. That is until iggy pulls him out of his room by his legs while screaming at him to shower or something.

“Get the fuck up mick. Do something! Do something and be better. Fuck Gallagher. He should have had more faith in you, that you'd come around so get the fuck up and do something great damn it. Dad is dead, we are fucking free, so stop locking yourself in your room.  Red will be back someday , do you want him to come back and see what a mess youve become or do you want to show him, and everyone else that you are Mickey fucking Milkovich and you can do anything you fucking want”

 Those words are quite possibly the reason Mickey takes a shower and gets a job and maybe even a little bit of why the next week he gets the papers for his GED and works his ass off to get it. He will never tell iggy  that even if iggy possibly already knows.  He gets his life together over the next few years.

\--

 

Ian on the other hand. He falls apart. Basic goes well. He does what he has to do and he's good, amazing even.  but slowly, something happens to him, everything changes, he becomes erratic, indecisive, a full on mess. At home it might not have been noticeable to anyone but his family but here, erratic behavior causes mistakes and soon enough it becomes a problem  and it isn't any time before he's shipped to the nearest army base and locked up in the army hospital. He is diagnosed shortly after that.  And there it is every dream he ever had. Over.  No more army, no more Mickey.

He wants to refuse to accept it, wants to refuse the meds, but it becomes clear quickly that he has no choice. If he gets help and takes his meds, at least for now, he gets an honorable discharge, he still has a chance to do something with his life, even if it's not the army. He refuses and he's screwed. He will become the asshole that couldn't make it, that couldn't amount to anything, and as much as he feels like that, he really doesn't want to feel like that forever. So he does what he has to do.

He could of went home when it was over. Told his family that he was sick, gotten their support but he didn't. Instead of taking that flight home, he took it to New York. What a better place to spiral out of control which is what he did for the first few years out of the army. He still called his family, and told him he was fine from time to time, even if they thought he was a soldier still.

It was two years before he got on his meds. He called mickeys phone and left some pretty disturbing voice messages a few times when he was out of control which just amounted to telling Mickey he hated him and never loved him. When he finally got on his meds and sober, he regretted those phone calls more than he regretted anything in his life.  Especially considering there was a voice message from Mickey on his phone still sitting after a year that told Ian to never call him again. A couple of worded messages from Mandy as well telling him what a piece of shit he was.

 

\--

Mickey in the time that Ian was spiraling had gotten his life together. Four years after Ian had left him, and one year since he had found the courage to call Ian's phone and tell him to fuck off, he had started his own shelter for abused teens. He helped kids like he had once been himself get out of their fucked up situations.  And that is how he became a father to twin girls. They weren't teenagers so much when he found them, they are ten, when they had been brought to him, they were a mess, angry at the world, they reminded him much of his sister, and after months he had taken them in.

Over the next three years they became his own in every way that mattered. He took care of them and showed them that not every man was like their father and he loved them.  By the time they became teenagers Ian had been gone for seven years, Ian was no longer a part of his life and even though he had loved the man who was once a beautiful part of his past after those voicemails, and the life he had built he had moved on.  It had been a year prior to this day that he had finally decided to move on and find someone worth his time, not someone who so obviously hated him.  That's when he met Steven. 

Steven was everything Ian was not. Everything Mickey was not. He was kind and generous and never made Mickey feel less than or not worth it. He loved Steven, maybe not the kind of reckless love that left him heartbroken and alone seven years ago, but love none the less, so when steven had asked him to marry him, he had said yes of course and here he was, planning a wedding and completely unaware that he man he thought he'd never see again was in fact on his way home.

\--

Ian Gallagher had decided to come home when he learned his mother had died. She had either overdosed on accident during a manic phase, or she had just plain given up in a depressive phase. He wasn’t really sure, and it didn’t matter. Not that Ian Gallagher was heartless, even when it came to his mother, he had loved her, he had actually ran into her a few years back right before he had went back on the meds, ironically it was seeing her, that had fully convinced him that he should be medicated. Not that Monica would ever agree with being medicated for long periods of time, but being reminded what his disease could and had done to other people including the ones he loved, had made him realize how much he missed his family, and his friends. Even while said friends in Chicago only really included the two people that hated him the most, he understood that if he ever wanted to see any of them again, he had to be better.

 

That is when he had gotten help after Monica left, as usual leaving distruction in her wake. He checked himself in, and got real help. In fact he still went and saw his therapist every two weeks, even after being medicated for three years. It helped him, made sure he was still level, he didn’t have family here and although he did by now have friends, real friends, only one of them really knew him well enough to help him when he was depressed or manic, so seeing his doctor regularly was a good routine to stick to.  Which brought up another issue  entirely, he was going back to Chicago, and he didn’t know how long he would end up staying, which meant finding a new doctor, someone who didn’t know him, who he didn’t trust. The greatest thing about Dr. Samuels, was that she had seen him at his absolute worst, he had thrown things at her, and cussed her out and she was still there. He would not beable to say the same thing about some random doctor in Chicago, but he had agreed, he would call her, for their normal appointment, and check ins, and if he decided to stay longer in Chicago, he would take her recommendation and go and see a doctor. 

So here he was on a plane to go home  and see his family, to finally tell his family that he was sick, which he had never done. That’s not something you tell people over the phone.  By now they knew he was no longer in the Army, but they didn’t know it was because he couldn’t be, Lip assumed he had just grown tired of it, after four years. Not the case at all. He didn’t have the heart to tell him, he had not been a soldier in over five years.  Something else to confess while he was home. Along with so many  other things.  

On the plane ride to Chicago Ian thought about all of the people he missed and all the things he regretted. He never should have left, maybe he would have gotten help sooner if he was with his family, if he was with Mickey, but maybe he wouldn’t, and maybe he would of done something a lot moore fucked up than a couple of drug addled voicemails to the ex who he would always love. He wanted to find a way to make it right, but how? Without dragging Mickey down, he knew Mickey was doing well, if Mandy’s last hate filled voicemail was any indication,  and he didn’t want to ruin that, no matter how much it hurt.


	3. You

\--

 

“Hey Fi. Usual to go.” Mandy says leaning over the counter and Fiona nods,  Fiona looks around the old diner that she now owned and sighed.  “Everything alright?” Mandy asks.

 

“As good as  can be expected, funeral is tomorrow.  I just really don’t want to do this.” She says sighing. “But seeing Ian again will be good. I miss that fucker.” She says and then stops  herself and sighs again. “Sorry, I know we agreed not to speak about him.”

 

“he’s coming home?” Mandy’s eyes are wide. She hadn’t spoken to her best friend, in years. She was pissed as hell at him. She was sure he hadn’t seen his mother since he was a teenager, but it was still his mother, she supposed.

 

“Yeah, I told him about the funeral, and he said he would be here. He promised. He should be in tonight.”  Fiona says and Mandy nods. “Here’s your order. You gonna warn him?” Fiona says knowingly.  By now everyone knew about Mickey and Ian to some extent, really because Mandy had drunkenly, in front of the entire family told Lip what an asshole his brother was for breaking her brothers heart, but that was years ago. They had all gotten over it and agreed to not talk about Ian unless necessary. Well this was necessary. Mandy couldn’t risk Mickey running into Ian and not knowing he was home.  Unfortunatley…She wouldn’t have the chance.

 

\--

 

Mickey was at the airport waiting on Steven who was taking a flight in from a buisnesstrip and he didn’t  just see Ian, he crashed into him.  The girls were talking to him and distracting him and suddenly he crashed into someone. He looked up and there he was, Ian Gallagher all grown up, and looking fucking sexy. Just because Mickey hated him, didn’t mean he couldn’t admit that.

Ian stared at the man who  was once almost his, and the two teenage girls standing behind him.  He heard them call Mickey dad, but that couldn’t be right? They had to be atleast 12 or 13 and Ian hadn’t been gone that long, it was kind of ironic that the girls, stood there, both had redhair, one long and straight and one curly and shorter.  They were stunning and calling Mickey dad, Ian shook his head.

“Mi..M..” He stuttered because what the fuck else could he say. 

Mickey collected himself quickly and without speaking nodded  at Ian and started to walk past him. Ian heard the girls ask who that was and Mikcey simply told him he was nobody. And Ian felt like a knife had just cut into  his heart, he was nobody, and he thought that was the worst pain he could of felt but as he stared down the terminal where Mickey had stopped, he saw a man, a kind of gorgeous man pull Mikcey into a hug and kiss him, kiss him in a vvery public airport. Mickey was out…he was happy…and that’s when Ian slowly walked out of the airport and walked to the car rental place and took a breath. It was when he was in that car, safe that he cried, he cried and he called his doctor, because he needed to.

\--

“Oh good your home. I have to talk to you.”  Mandy says with determined eyes when they all got to mickeys house that night.

“Ok, go ahead.” Mickey says sitting on the couch as the girls

Head off to their rooms and Steven heads to their room to set his stuff down.

“It's not a big deal and you might not even see him but I wanted to give you a heads up just in case…” she starts.

“But Ian's gonna be in town.” He finishes for her:

“Yeah…wait…you know!??” She exclaims

“Kinda ran into him at the airport.” He says

“Oh. And?”

“And nothing, I didn't say anything to him.” He says and she nods. “You should though.” He adds.

“What? Why?”

“Because even though your pissed at him on my account. He's your best friend and you haven't seen him in seven years. You miss him. Go see him. His mom just died, he could probably use your support.” He says simply because it was true.

“But after what he did to you…”

“After who did what?” Steven says entering the living room and Mandy snaps her mouth shut.

“Mandy's friend is in town for his mothers funeral. I was just telling her she should go see him.”

“What did he do to you?” Steven asks.

“It's Ian.” Is all Mickey says and Steven nods.

“He knows?” She asks.

“He's my fiancé Mands. Of course he knows about him. Like I was saying just because I'm not his biggest fan, doesn't mean you shouldn't see him. His mother died.”

“They weren't close”

“Doesn't matter. She was still his mother”

\--

 

Ian is greater by his siblings with love and affection when he walks in the door to the Gallagher home. They all smile and hug him, and say how much they missed him.  Sure he had talked to them over the years but there was nothing quite like coming home again.   He could only ignore the questions for so long but for tonight he could.  Not that he could hear any of the questions, they were coming so fast, it had been a long time since he was on the receving end of so many gallaghers all at once, and he loved it.

“ok, ok, how about we all catch up later. Im tired, funerals tomorrow, I promise, I will catch everyone up on me after.”

“So your staying?” carl asks hopefully.  He knew that carl wanted to know about all things army and he was extremely sad to have to tell him the truth but he nodded anyway.

“for a bit atleast, im not going to fly out right after the funeral alright. I promise, theres so much to tell you guys, and I want to know all about all of you.” He says and smiles. 

\--

“So what is it?” Lip asks that night as they sit on the back porch smoking a cigarette.

“what?”

“Ian, I know you, everytime I have asked you questions in the past seven years on the phone you avoid them or find a way to get off the phone. That look in your eyes tonight talking to the family, theres something your not saying.”

“yes, and I will, it’s a lot lip. So many things, but I don’t want it to be about me right now. Lets say goodbye to mom, and then ill set everyone down and tell them.”

“Ian, we’ve been best friends more than brothers in our lives, and if you don’t want to family to know yet, fine, but give me something.”

“It’s a long story Lip. Have you seen mandy?” he asks.

“I see her around. Wouldn’t go out looking for her though, she’s pretty pissed about Mick still. Cant blame her I guess.” He says and shrugs.

“She told you?”

“She told everyone man. Drunk as fuck, a long time ago. Everyone knows about you and Mickey by now. They also know if Mandy and Mickey are around not to talk about you.”

“I deserve that, I was pretty messed up back then, I regret those voicemails, I regret not just answering the phone when he called me to begin with. I regret a lot of things.” Ian says sadly.

“Why though? Why would you say those things to him? About never loving him?  I know it was all bullshit.”

“I was…look I’m going to say something, and let me be clear there is more to it, so much more, and its not an excuse it’s just what is, and I will tell the family, soon, but I’m sick, when I made those calls, I wasn’t me, I don’t know if I ever will be again, but I didn’t mean them..”

“Sick how? Ian is that why you came home? You dying?” Lips says it as if it doesn’t matter but Ian can see that it does, so much.

“No. I’m not dying. I was..Manic…and high as a kite, but mostly…”

“manic…what do you mean?”

“I’m like monica Lip.” He says knowing Lip will understands what he means.

“No…”

“Yes. Don’t look at me like that, im ok.”

“She never was.” He says.

“I’m not monica, I mean back then, I was, and looking back now its terrifying. But I’m ok. I take my meds, and I go to therapy and I don’t drink much, usually a beer rarely, I don’t do drugs, I’m not cured, I never will be but I have accepted it. And I’m taking care of it, I don’t want to be like her, the things I did when I was off the meds, its all so fucked up and those messages to Mickey, I will never forgive myself for them.” He says and Lip nods, he doesn’t need to explain further.

“When did you find out?”

“Officially? About 5 years ago. I didn’t accept it and get medicated until 3 years ago though.”

“How? I mean you were in the army Ian…they don’t..”

“You’re right, I was discharged shortly after, don’t tell the family yet. I will.” And lip nods.


	4. Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lip talks to Mandy about Ian. He knows his little brother needs his best friend.

Lip runs into Mandy right before the funeral. She tries to avoid him, not because they are on the outs but because she doesn’t want to talk about Ian.

“Don’t even try avoiding me over my brother, get over here.” He says and she smiles and goes to hug him. They are close, they aren’t together, but they are friends.

“Im sorry, its just. I can’t deal with him right now. Things are good for us, Mickey’s getting married, and im still pissed at him.”

“I get it..but…nevermind.”

“What? You don’t think I have a right to be mad at your brother?” she asks.

“You do…its just theres something he told me, and I’m not supposed to say anything until he tells everyone, but it’s not like your gonna let him explain anything to you, and I think that maybe if you do run into him, or if Mickey does…but he would hate me if mickey ever knew.” He rambles on.

“What are you talking about?”

“If I tell you something…promise not to tell Mickey. If he wants him to know…but..”

“Fine, whatever I wont tell Mick…what is it.”

And he tells her, not because of anything but he knows his brother needs her, and she would never let him speak otherwise. He knows that Ian will need his best friend today, and this is the only way she’ll go to the funeral.

“He’s what??? Like your mom?” she asks sadly.

“Yeah, when he…called Mick…he was manic and high, or he says he was, I think he was more like high as fuck and about to hit a low, but maybe he knows better than me. I guess he hasn’t been in the army in over 5 years. Then he went off the rails for a few years before getting medicated. He says he’s good now, he looks good. I jjust, mandy, he needs you, he told me last night, Monicca isn’t just his mother, shes everything he never wants to become.” He finishes and she nods.

“I’ll be there and I wont tell Mickey about him being sick, not right now. But my brother deserves to know the truth. But I will talk to Ian about it, after…after all of this. I’ll be there today. Let me call Mick.”

 

\--

 

“So your going?” Mickey asks over the phone.

“yeah, you were right, I can be pissed at him tomorrow, he needs someone besides the Gallaghers there for him. So today I will be there for him.”  She says.

“Good. Can you do me a favor Mandy? Stop by here before you go.”  He says.

\--

 

“What is this?” She asks, looking at the flowers and the card.

“The card is just for him. Look, Steven thinks it would be good for me, if I just…dealt with this shit while he’s here, and maybe he’s right but I cant right now. I can however tell him im sorry for his loss, and to please let me be for now.” He says and she nods.  “What is it? Theres something?”

“No, its nothing. Just maybe he’s right, before Ian goes back to wherever he’s been all this time, maybe talk to him or something.” She says and she walks away before Mickey can ask questions because she’ll tell him and what good would it be right now, to know that Ian never meant a word he said, that he was sick that entire time, that for the majority of the past seven years, Ian had been suffering and not just living his life like they had thought.

\--

Ian stood at the back of the church looking up towards the casket, Frank was already drunk and practically passed out in the front.  He took a breath, how could he say goodbye to her. Sure she was a disaster, hurricaine monica. But she was his mother, he still loved her, and this was goodbye, this was what could happen to him if he lived the way she did, this was his reminder that no matter how good the highs were, the lows were unbearable. Sure medicated he still had days he didn’t get out of bed, but they didn’t stretch for weeks on end, and he could never go back to how it was. Things he did, not only voicemails that he regretted but the things he had done in new York…Manic Ian was not someone he ever wanted to be again.

“Hey.” He heard her voice, It was soft and caring and he turned to find his old best friend standing there with caring eyes.

“he told you.” He knew, he knew that Lip would tell her. He couldn’t help himself.

“He did.”

“You didn’t tell…him…did you? Please…he cant know.”

“I didn’t. Not yet. But you should. He deserves to know.”

“He deserves better than excuses from a crazy mess. He’s moved on yeah, he’s happy. He deserves that.” He states and she smiles lightly and hands him the note.

“that’s from him.”

He opens it without much thought.

_Sorry for your loss. I am truly sorry, let my sister be there for you yeah? Sorry I couldn’t be there…I just cant ok?_

It was simple, it didn’t say anything really but Ian knew what it meant. It meant, if you care about me, don’t come find me, I can’t look at you.

\--

Ian doesn’t break down at first but it all hits him suddenly, when frank is going off like a rocket, about anything and everything he can. How Monica being taken was proof that god could not exsist. While he thought the same things when he had been diagnosed, how cruel the world was, her death was not on anyone…it was a product of a disease and not accepting it and that hit him harder than ever. That was a path he could have gone down, in fact he almost had.  He had been on the verge of killing himself more than once, something he didn’t think he had the heart to tell anyone. He also would not tell anyone that the last time, was the last time he had tried to dial Mickey’s number, he hadn’t left a message, he didn’t deserve to, but he needed to hear that voice, he had replayed every single voicemail the man had ever sent him, and it still wasn’t enough. That was the night he checked himself in.

\--

\--

“Shut up Frank!” Ian stands and yells at him and everyone turns to him.

“Excuse you! Who…”

“Just shut up frank. She was sick,  her dying is tragic, we all loved her in our own way and even you, but she’s gone, so mourn her, don’t let this be another reason for you to be the piece of shit that you always have been.”  He says.

“You ungreatful, what would you know about any of it huh? What would you know????”

“Im more like her that you’ll ever know.” He says causing the gallaghers to turn towards him.

“You are nothing like my moni you…”

“Enough!” Fiona says and looks back and forth from frank to Ian. “Not today.” She says. Ian nods and walks up to the casket.

“Mom, I love you. No matter what you did, you should know, I always loved you. Goodbye.” He says and then walks out of the church.  He breaks down and Mandy catches up to him.

 

“Fuck…Mandy…Fuck.” He says and she understands.

\--


	5. we're all just fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian and Mickey talk a little.

 

“Hey how was it?” Mickey says when he calls his sister.

“um…you know as could be expected, Can I call you back? Like…I’m dealing with a friend right now?” she says trying not to give away to a broken Ian who was on the phone. He had been telling her about everything, about his mother, he was a mess.

“He ok?”

“No.”

“Can I help?”

“I don't think anyone can help right now.” She says before getting off The phone with her brother. Truth was maybe he could help, she ever fully understood the connection the two boys had, but for how long? Ian wasn't just a mess over his mother but Mickey too, she could tell, and he kept telling her how sorry he was, tonight just wasn't a good idea for the two boys to air out their shit.

\--

Two weeks later Mickey was walking down the street past the old dug outs that he and Ian used to go to when he saw Ian siting on the benches looking out into the field. He didn't think much about it he just strolled up.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Thinking.” Ian says not looking up.

“About your mom?”

“And other things yeah.”

“When's the last time you saw her?” Mickey asks gently.

“Few years ago. Ran into her in New York.”

“New York huh? That where you've been the last three years?” He asks curiously

“Last five” he answers.

“Five? You get stationed there?”

“Nah. Discharged.”

“Oh.” Mickey says and thinks. “So when you…called…”

“Yeah. I was a mess back then. Not an excuse but I'm sorry. You should know…”

“I don't want to talk about it,”

“Okay, just, you should know I didn't mean it is all.”

“Okay,”

There's a long silence after that.

“It's late, I should be getting home. You should too.” Mickey says finally.

“Yeah maybe.” Ian says looking over at Mickey sadly. Mickey nods and starts to walk away.

“I'm happy for you.” Ian says almost at a whisper but Mickey hears it.

“What?” He still asks.

“That you found someone and are put and happy or whatever. Im happy for you.”

“Thanks man. Are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Happy or whatever.” He says repeating Ian's words.

“Im better than I was.” Is all he can say and Mickey seems to understand that it's about all the answer he is ready to hear or Ian is ready to give so he. Nods and heads home.

\--

“That's it? That's all you said?” Mandy asks Ian during lunch one day when he finally says he saw Mickey.

“What was I supposed to say?”

“I don't know. The truth?”

“That I'm what? Sick? Please forgive my mania or depression or whatever. That I still love him, that I'm miserable without him? Or how about the fact that I have to take meds everyday to stay standing, I'm crazy and I have to see a doctor every two weeks to know for sure that I'm ok.”

“Maybe. Maybe atleast some of it.”

“He deserves better than to hear my shit. He deserves the life he has.” He says.

“Yes he does. Doesn't mean he wouldn't care. Maybe you can become friends.”

“Can you even really be friends with someone you've fucked?” He asks honestly.

“I'm friends with your brother.” She points out.

“And there's never a moment that it's weird that it doesn't become too much? Like when you see him with a girl?” He asks because he wants to know. A reason that being friends with Mickey would someday be okay.

“Weird? Sure. But we can be in the same room and have a conversation and that's better than not, don't you think?”

“I don't know.”

“So your saying you can't be his friend unless you have him? That's kind of shitty don't you think?”

“I'm not saying it's fair. I'm saying that he has his life and it's good and he deserves good.”

“And you don't? Is that what your saying?”

“Maybe I am.”

She smacks him on the arm.

\--

Ian doesn’t mean to run into Mickey constantly he really doesn't but for some reason it keeps happening and it hurts. It shouldn't he left, if he would have stuck around he and Mickey could of worked past what happened with terry. Ian couldn't help but be thankful mickey didn't see him at his worst. Although he had been pretty sure the last place he would see Mickey would be at his first appointment with his new doctor. He ducked behind a door but it wouldn't help, the man sitting behind the desk was mickeys boyfriend. Oh great. He could run out of there, or he could just face Mickey, his boyfriend was sure to tel him he saw him. Was he allowed to do that? Of course he was right? He wasn't a doctor. Ian signs and gives up and walks Into the waiting room.

Mickey brought his boyfriend lunch. Well that's sweet. Ian takes a breath and walks up.

“Just a second.” The man says and Mickey steps out of the way.

“Sorry, didn't mean to be….Ian??” He asks in surprise. “What are you doing here? Following me everywhere now?” Mickeys joking he knows but the boyfriend actually looks curious.

“Oh yes mick, I made a fake appointment at this expensive ass place just to see your face. Now I have my day is complete.” He says sarcastically causing Mickey to laugh.  The man still looking at him.

“Ian Gallagher for doctor…umm. Damn what did she say his name was…” he says thinking which causes Mickey to raise his eyebrows at him.  Ian looks at his phone to seethe text.. “doctor jyrikas” he says.  Mickey looks at him curiously, and Ian wonders if he knows, knows what he's here for.

“You got ptsd?” He asks lightly so nobody can really hear and gets jabbed in the side.

“Mickey you can't ask that in here. Ask him later man, your gonna get me in trouble. Their staring.”

“Sorry sorry. Here.” Mickey walks over to the only people really staring in shock.  “I'm not some creep who cares why you’re here. I care why he's here bc we've fucked. Capiche?”

“Oh god.” Ian shakes his head. “I suddenly don't want to be here anymore” he says.

“Why are you though?  I mean. I thought gallagher don't get help?” He says.

“Yeah well this one has to.  This gallagher no longer has an interest in being anything like his parents.” He says. He doesn't snap it's just a statement and Mickey nods.

“I'll let you get to it man. Ya know if you need to talk or whatever.” He says and Ian nods.

\--

“It was good to meet you Mr.Gallagher. Although I was hoping you'd open up a bit more.” The lady says.

“Yeah I uh…it's just…my ex whatever's , boyfriend kinda works in ur lobby and I'm a little freaked out. I'll try more next time.”  And she nods.

“So Mickey huh? He's a cute one.” She says obviously knowing who he was referring to.

“I guess so”

\--


	6. Chapter 6

“Did you know Ian was in therapy?” Mickey asks his sister.

“Yeah. So?” She says.

“Like…is he like okay?” He says. It's all he can think about, ever since…he just can't stop thinking about it.

“He's fine Mickey. You should talk to him about this, but he's ok.”

“Like it's like PTSD shit right? Like something bad happened over there? And Ive been so mad at him and he could of died over there. Why else would they discharge him Mands?”

“Mickey talk to Ian. He's OK alright.”

“Yeah alright.”

 

\--

“Just call him.” Steven says

“But like what if it's like bad man? Like what if it's my fault? Like what happened with my dad destructed him or something. What if that's why he called and left those messages because whatever's wrong is my fault. I can't deal with that babe.”

“Because you love him.”

“What? No”

“Mick you can love him and not still be in love with him ya know? It's OK to care. Just call him.”

//

 

“Hey Mickey what's up?” Fiona asks when Mickey shows up in the morning at the house.

“He here?”

“He's um..yeah. But uhhh”

“I'm not gonna hit him or something I just want to talk to him.” She nods as he walks past her into the kitchen but she rushes and stands in front of the counter calling for Ian.

“Fi, I'm coming Jesus, ten minutes late isn't going to kill me, I've been taking the meds consistently for three years”

“Umm Ian…” she says and he looks up from his spot on the stairs and his eyes widen but Mickey is standing there curiously and worry flashes all over his face.

 

“M..meds?” Mickey stammers and then takes a breath…”are you…okay?”

“Relatively yes. I'm fine”

“Why the meds then? Three years?”

“Meds just stabilize me is all” Ian answers.

“Huh?”

“They keep me from spinning out of control Mick. You know like keeps me from getting hammered and calling exes at 3am and making them hate me.” Mickey is just staring at him. “Helps me not be like Monica” he finally says.

“You are not Monica” Fiona interjects.

“I know Fi.”

“What does that mean Ian? Like Monica?” Ian wonders what Mickey knows about his mother.

“I'm bipolar Mick. Fiona hand me my meds. I need to talk to Mickey.”  She nods and does as she's told.

“Bipolar?” Mickey asks.

“Like my mom. Unmediated I'm a mess. I'm either on top of the world, being reckless or I'm down and I can't get out of bed for days, weeks whatever. Rarely ever in between. These help me get even. Best I can at least.” He explains.

“So the phone calls…” he has to ask.

“Manic I think. Or coming down from…I was about to crash, after the first call I didn't get out of bed for, I don’t even know. Back then I said I was just coming down from the drugs but that wasn't it, I was low. I regret those phone calls more than any of the fucked up shit I did while I was unmedicated. And trust me there was a lot.”

“What made you..decide to get help?”

“My mom.”

“But I thought…”

“That's the point though. She wouldn't get help, she didn't see her disease as a problem, I didn't either for a long time, just part of me but what she was, what I was destroys people. It makes the people love you lose a part of themselves. A part of me always knew that, that's why I stayed away. This disease, it took who I was and threw it into a blender. I regret leaving, and staying away somewhat but I can't regret not being here when I was like that, I don't regret not putting everyone here through that.”

 

“I can understand that but we would have…I would have been there for you.”  Mickey says.

“I know but you deserve better than that bullshit. And you have better. Who knows what would have happened if I would have came home after the army.”

“We could have been more.” Mickey says honestly. “I was scared when you left and I'm sorry for that but I got better.”

“I know and that's great Mickey. I'm glad you found what you deserve. I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt that it's not with me, I can't lie to you like that.”

“I would have…” he doesn't finish the sentence and he doesn't have to. Ian knows.

“I know Mickey. I do.”

\--

After their conversation Mickey and Ian seemed to both understand that the past was something neither of them could change and there was no longer any point in trying. They agreed to be friends. That didn't mean they hung out everyday, just that they understood each others reasonings for the things they had done that brought hem to this place.  Ian knew he still loved Mickey but he didn't want to interrupt mickeys perfect life.  Mickey knew he still loved Ian, maybe more now that he understood him more but he wasn't willing to throw his life away for a past that may or may not have blown up In Their faces anyway if things were different.

\--

“How's everything?” Lip asks Ian one morning.

“Good.”

“Job? Apartment?” He asks referring to a conversation they had a while back about Ian staying and putting down roots.

“Don't know.” He says

“Are you staying or not Ian? You've been home for months.”

“I don't know okay? I miss New York.” He says softly and he doesn't really. He misses his doctor, because he was comfortable and he misses Jane his friend but other than that he doesn't really miss it, he just feels like he doesn't belong here anymore. He feels better about everything Bering settled that he and Mickey are getting along and that his family and him have spent time together, that he and Mandy are close again.

“This about  mickey?” Lip asks knowingly.

“What about him?”

“You don't want to be In Chicago because Mickey is getting married soon and shit?” Lip inquires.

“Don't know what your talking about. I'm happy for him.”

“Bullshit. You love him and you want him back.”

“So?”

“So fucking do something about it before he walks down that isle or whatever it is that they're doing.”

“ oh y _ah_ because that's a good fucking plan phillip. Because destroying his life is a sure fire way to win the man back. No.”

“Whatever man. Go back to New York and run away. It's your thing right?”

“That's not fair.”  Ian says getting up and taking a walk.

-

“So next month?” Ian hears Steven say when he walks into the doctors office. There is Mickey leaning over the desk.

“Yes babe. Everything is set.”

“You going to invite him?”

“Don't think that's a good idea man”

“Why not your friends?”

“Friends…yes.”

Ian clears his throat before either of them can go on, next month. He can't deal with this.

“Hey Ian. I'll let the doc know you’re here.”

\--

“So you don't want to stick around to see your ex get married?”

“I'm not running away doc, I just, I can't be here for it because I'll do something stupid, so I was thinking of visiting my friend in New York.”

“But you don't know the date”

“Correct.”

“So why not ask Mickey when it is?”

“And then suddenly he out of town? Yeah that doesn't scream I can't handle this shit.” He sighs.

\--

 

“So mickeys getting married” Ian says to Mandy and she eyes him.

“Yeah that's the plan. Why? You planning something?” She asks

“No. The opposite in fact. Can you find out the date so I can like not be in town?” He asks. He has talked it over with his doctor until he realized, having his best friend in the wedding was a perfect way to find out without making a big deal out of it to Mickey.

“Your leaving??” She asks

“Not for good mands. Just until it's over ya know? I can't watch this. I can't.”

“It's the last week of the month ok.” She says finally and he nods.

\--

 

Mandy walks into mickeys house that night and it seems to be a debate.

“Just invite him.” Steven says

“No. What is your problem steven. He's not just a friend he's an ex. You don't invite an ex to your wedding. Friends or not.”

“What's going on in here?” Mandy asks and the twins look up from the living room.

“They're fighting about inviting Ian to the wedding” Tyla says and her sister nods.

“Why would you invite Ian?” She asks glaring at Steven:

“If he's really over the past it won't be a problem.” He says shrugging.

“Doesn't matter if you invite him or not. He won't be here” she interjects.

“Why?” Mickey asks.

“He's going to New York.”

“He's leaving?” He asks.

“Why do you care mickey?” Steven asks.

“Just curious.”

“Just going for a visit. Anyway no point in inviting him since he won't be here so stop arguing over it.” She says going to sit on the couch with Tyla and zirie. “They do this a lot?” She asks and the girls nod.

“Steven is jealous.” Zirie interjects.

“I am not.” He throws back and that causes Mickey to glare:

“Don't snap at my daughter.” He says. “Come on girls.” He says and the girls get off the couch ready to take them to their friends.”I'll have back.”  Then he's out of the house.

“Hell if I'm staying here. You should back off steven.” She says getting up.

“Why? Why is it such a big deal?”

“Because together or not. Those two are connecting. Keep pushing and you'll see just how connected.” She says walking out of the house shaking her head.

\--


	7. Get what you want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian has a change of plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the response to this. :) I will be working on a bunch of stuff tomorrow. I'm calling it my writing day. So some one shots and my other multis that I have neglected for far too long

 

_  
Meet me_

  
Ian has looked at that text over and over again on his way to the dugouts. What could Mickey want. To invite him to that stupid wedding? He sighs. He sees Mickey sitting on the bench.

  
“Hey mick.” He says lightly and Mickey looks up.

  
“I hear your leaving.” He says suddenly.

  
“I'm not leaving. I'm just going for a visit.”

  
“Timings convenient though”

  
“More like intentional.”

  
“So you admit your leaving during my wedding on purpose?” Mickey asks.

  
“Yeah. I am. Look Mickey. I am happy for you.” Mickey scoffs at the words. “I am. I'm happy for you. Doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Seeing you with him and not me. Doesn't mean I can stand by and watch you get married and not want to do something stupid. I love that we can be friends again kinda and I don't want to ruin that.”

  
“And you will ruin it if you’re here?” Mickey asks.

  
“I will because I want to everyday. How can you not know that. I love you. I loved you then and I love you now. It takes everything I have everyday not to tell you how much you mean to me or beg you to leave him and be with me. I don't do it because you deserve better. I don't do it because you have kids and a family and you deserve more. Doesn't mean I don't think about it all the time. About how it should be me your marrying.”

  
“Ian…”

  
“Don't it's okay. I know you don't feel the same way. I did always want way more than you could give and who knows. Maybe you would have never loved me if we had more time together. Maybe you would have. I don't know. I don't regret loving you mick. I never will.”

  
“Don't say that”

  
“What?” Ian looks at him confused.

  
“Don't say I didn't love you that I wouldn't have okay? I did love you. I shut you down because I wanted to protect you Ian and I would do it again, if it kept you safe from that prick. I regret not going to you after he was gone, I do. And I regret not coming to find you before you fucked off to the army Ian. We could have had something yes, I know that. Even through you being sick I would have been there ok. Is it being us isn't on you or really even on me. It's on us and the choices we made. If you need to not be here for my wedding I understand.”

  
Ian nods but there's tears in his eyes. “I wish I had fought for you.” Ian says sadly. “Now it's too late.” He says getting up.

  
“It's never too late.” Mickey says as he walks away.

  
\--  
“You sure about all this mick?” Mandy asks him as they sit on the couch at her apartment. 

“About what mands?”

“Getting married? Look he's a nice guy, but is he your guy?”

  
“You were all for this before red came back.”

  
“Yeah and so were you Mick. I was mad at him. But it's not what we thought. What any of us thought. Can you say if he fought for you that you'd tell him no? That you'd get married and live with Steven forever knowing there was a chance at what you had?” She asks.

  
“Mandy…”

  
“I'm gonna be honest. I told him to fight for you. I'm not sorry about that.”

  
“And yet he's not Mandy. He's letting me go.”

  
“Because he feels guilty. Because he's hating on himself for something that wasn't really In his control. And he doesn't want to lose you if he does something reckless. But I don't think he'd lose you. I think he'd get you. And what's that say…about your relationship then?” She asks and he wants to tell her to fuck off but he doesn't.   
\--  
Ian thinks about Mickey a lot in the time leading up to the wedding, he can't stop. He sees him sure but he can't stop memorizing every line of his face.

“So your coming back for like a week…to avoid a wedding?” Jane says on the phone.

  
“And to see you.”

  
“And to avoid a wedding” she presses

  
“Yeah. So?”

  
“Ian Gallagher. If you come to New York right now, I'm not opening the door.”

  
“You don't want to see me? I'm hurt” he laughs.

  
“I do. However you have been droning on about this Mickey for as long as I've known you. If you do nothing he's getting married.”

  
“He's getting married regardless of what I do. I don't want to lose his friendship again.”

  
“Fuck your friendship asshole. He's the love of your life. So how about instead of sitting on your ass and letting him marry some other fucknut, you show him what he's missing. If it doesn't work, show up at my door and we'll cry and eat ice cream and go clubbing until you've fucked every twink this side of the ocean. If you don't try I'm throwing your ass in the ocean. Capiche?”  
“I hate you sometimes.”

“You love me! Now go get your man.”

 

“I won't let you do this.” Ian looks up to see Steven standing before him. He ignores him for a minute and continues cleaning up around the ambulance. He has recently gotten a job cleaning up at the emt house. It's not much but he's setting roots.

  
“Do what?”

  
“This!” Steven says. He holds up flowers.

  
“The fuck is that.” He says.

  
“This crap is not okay.”

  
“You think I sent that?”

  
“Who else would be sending my fiancé fucking flowers.”

  
“Not me. He hates flowers. Why the hell would I send him flowers.” Ian rolls his eyes.

  
“He loves flowers.” Steven says and Ian bust out laughing.

  
“We talkin about the same man? He hates flowers. Whatever. Read the card or whatever. I didn't send him no fucking flowers.”

  
Steven looks at the card and his eyes widen.   
“We done here?”

  
“Whatever”

Mickey starts finding little things around the house, or at work, little things that speak to him. A pocket knife, tools, a bat, the he starts getting gift certificates for the girls, he knows who sent them. This is Ian. Unlike steven who always sends the typical romantic gifts, flowers, chocolates and the like, Ian sent things that he knew Mickey would like. He seriously found a coupon for pizza bagels attatched to his car window one morning. That made him laugh. The was standing in his living room holding up a shirt at the moment that said “fuck you, I'm fabulous.” Fuckin gallagher. But he was smiling because these stupid gifts were Ian and they were him.   
\--  
A week to the wedding the gifts stopped and Mickey was a little sad about it for a minute u too Ian started the texting.

  
Ian: you like them?

  
Mick: yeah man. Why though?

  
Ian: just a little something from me to you. I could send flowers instead apparently you really like that shit now.

  
Mick: says fucking who?

  
Ian: your man. Well that's what he said when he showed up at my work, saying I was sending this ugly ass bouquet to you.

  
Mick: that one from his parents? -pic sent-

  
Ian: that's the one. I have more taste.

  
Mick: in flowers? Doubtful.

  
Ian: fuck you. I'll send you flowers right now.

  
Mick: please no. Have you seen my house. Even the girls asked if they could set the shit on fire.

  
Ian: definitely your kids man.

  
Mick: they're great. Bratty fucks though

  
Ian: they like him? Your man?

  
Mick: they like him enough now. You know after trying to run him off for like six months.   
Ian: they shoulda tried harder

  
Mick: Ian….

  
Ian: sorry. Sorry.

  
Mick: liar.

 

  
(An hour later)  
Mick: seriously? -pic sent-

  
Ian bust up laughing at the flowers he sent to Mickeys job.

  
Ian: nice yeah?

  
Mick: dickhead. You know I hate flowers

  
Ian: might wanna tell your man that.

  
Mick: you trying to woo me or some gay bullshit?

  
Ian: depends. It working.

  
Mick: fuck off

  
Ian: rather fuck you. But alright.

  
Mick: you didn't just say that man.

  
Ian: I did.

  
Mick: when do you leave?

  
Ian: I don't.

  
Mick: I thought you were tryin to not do anything stupid?

  
Ian: you know I've decided. If I'm going to lose you forever, I mise well do it in style.

  
Mick: really and what's the plan then? More gifts?

  
Ian: nope. The gift giving phase of this relationship is over.

  
Mick: relationship?

  
Ian: mhm. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make a south side thug remember why he loved me once. Talk to you later.

  
Mick: ffs   
\--  
Those texts shouldn't make him smile. But they did. What was he doing? Mickey sat on his back porch and let his mind wonder. To a place it hadn’t in a long time. The what ifs playing in his head. What if he wouldn’t have pushed Ian away? What if Ian hadn’t of left? What if when Ian got sick he had come home where he belonged, so many things. Ian had apparently changed his mind about leaving town to avoid the wedding, gifts and flirty text messages, did not a relationship make, but what did? What could Ian do to make himself walk away from what he had? Not even he knew the answer to that.

\--

“You like my dad?” Ian looked up from his bench at work, and moved the sandwich that he had almost bitten into away from his mouth, there was one of the girls, he knew to be Mickey’s daughters. Kind of funny how the two teenage girls both held beautiful ginger locks, but Ian wouldn’t comment on that.

“Doesn’t matter does it?” He asks. He didn’t want to give himself away, if these girls who meant so much to the man he loved asked him to back off, he knew he would.

  
“Does to me. Can you honestly tell me why you want him?” She speaks. When Ian tilts his head. “Its Tyla, in case you were wondering which twin to tell my dad was bugging you.”

  
“You want to know why I love your dad? Is that it? I answer this and you drop this?” he asks and she smirks.

  
“I said like, but sure, go ahead.”

  
“Mickey is…everything. He’s that tough kid, that I was once afraid of, he pretends his sister is a burden or whatever but he’s still the same kid that chased after me because he thought, I dare to hurt her. On the outside, he’s tough and strong, and Mean, and on the inside…that’s where it really is. Anybody would be a fool not to love that look in his eyes when he wants something, really wants something, and when he lets you in, even if its just for a minute, I felt like I would be happy and safe there forever. No matter how much losing him hurt, I will never regret that for just a minute, I got to feel just a tiny bit of what it was like for him to love me.” He says and Tyla smiles.

  
“okay.”

  
“Okay?” He asks.

  
“Okay, so you love my dad, what are you gonna do about it Gallagher?”

  
“you aren’t going to warn me away?” He asks.

  
“Nah. I like steven, he’s nice and sweet and he’s good. but I don’t know, I’ve never felt like they were the kind of love you dream about. I know I’m young, it sounds stupid but I asked him the same thing once, and his answer was so mundane and boring, I don’t know, the way you just looked when talking about my dad, is kind of how we all want someone to feel about us right?”

“is that a blessing?” He asks curiously.

  
“It’s a hell of a lot more than that Ian Gallagher, you have about a week to do something, something big, and I happen to have an insight on what makes my dad really swoon, and not that romance novel shit that steven seems to think my dad is into.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all I have written so far. :) like I said before there was no way his was makin it as a one shot. I'll update this asap along with all the other stuff I've got set up to write. :) thank you to all you beautiful people still reading my stuff even after my benign away so long. Much love


	8. Ian and the girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian thinks this is a bad idea...Mickey knows something is up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another one. This one doesnt have too many chapters left in it. Maybe a handfull. Maybe. Almost there my lovilies. :PP

_Chapter_ _8:_ Ian and the girls 

“This is a bad idea,” Ian says shaking his head at the two teenage girls currently sitting in his new apartment. 

“Pansy,” Zirie says. “You sure about this Ty?” She continues 

“Oh yes.  Wait, watch this Zi, Ian…say dad’s name.” She says with a twinkle in her eyes and he rolls his eyes. 

“Mickey.” He speaks anyway, already knowing what she’s getting at. 

“Holy Damn,” Zi says. 

“Told you. Look we are a handful.   But this is it. You want dad or not?” Ty says. 

“Ty. Would you leave him alone for like two seconds?  You’re gonna scare him off…” Zi says logically and Ian laughs. 

“You realize I dated your dad when he was a little scary himself. I just think this is a bad idea. Not only will he kill me for involving his daughters, but then he will still be getting married and hate me too. I’ve had enough of him hating me for a lifetime.” 

Tyla rolls her eyes at him and Zi starts laughing. 

“Ok ok. Calm down. Dad knows us…he’s not gonna blame you. In fact, we are totally counting on a nice big present if this works for you and if it doesn’t, we get grounded, nothing new. Now listen.  This is your out. You want to walk away right now,  now harm no foul. Well except knowing that you’re a pussy and you get to watch the love of your life marry a nice while albeit boring as fuck man.”  Zi speaks.  Yup they are definitely Mickey’s 

“You are both so like him,” Ian says softly. 

“We know.” They speak at the same time. 

“Look, Ian, he saved us, now its time for us to save him. So…on with it. We know you were like banging when you were young…but we need more…something real.” Tyla speaks and ian just stares at them, he laughs when they both do a gagging sound after Tyla speaks about their father banging anybody. 

And so he sits and for some reason tells the girls why and in all the ways he loves Mickey. 

\--

“What are you two up to?” Iggy asks the twins when he sees them walking down the street after leaving Ian. He had seen them talking to the man that used to be his brother's boyfriend, and he knew his nieces. 

“Noooothing.” They spoke in unison. 

“Yeah, bullshit. You giving him the stay away speech…or the get your man back speech?” he asked curiously trying to get in the headspace of the two very troublemaker teens. 

“Don’t now what you're referring to unc iggs,” Tyla says sneakily and in that moment he knows. 

“Alright, what’s the plan?” He asks. No way he wasn’t getting in on this shit. 

“You in?” Zi asks. 

“Oh fuck yeah I’m in. if I have to sit at one more family dinner with Steven telling me about how I need to go  back to school and make the family proud imma gut him myself.”  He says chuckling. 

It didn’t take long for Ian to call Jan back in New  York. A part of him was hoping for a voice of reason to tell him to do the right thing.  To let Mickey go. When he had told her that however, she had burst out laughing so hard he could almost see the tears in her eyes over the phone. 

“You called the wrong best friend. You try the other one?” She couldn't contain her giggles. 

“I'm not telling her!” He exclaims. It was bad enough that the girls and Iggy were determined to help him win the affections of Mickey. 

“Well looks like it's up to me then. You really want me to tell you it’s a bad idea? Because I don’t think you do. I don’t think that’s why you called Ian.” She spoke honestly and he knew she was right. 

“What if it doesn’t work Janey? What if I lose him forever?” He said in a broken voice. 

“Ok Ian, listen. It’s going to be okay. It’s your call. You have a week. Either you can do this or…you can let him go forever. This is up to you.” She says softly and he nods as the tears fall down his face and he knows.

“I can’t lose him. but I can’t live like this. I love him so much  it hurts.”  And that’s what he needed to say and it was true. Jane promised him it would all work out before they hung up. He didn’t know her next call was to the airport. She was not going to miss this. 

\--

Most of the Gallaghers had caught wind of something going on within 24 hours. 

“He’s planning something,” Lip says to mandy as they set out on the swings in the park. 

“I know. He better hope it works.” She says lightly thinking over everything that had happened since Ian had been gone. 

“Not gonna try to stop him?” He asked with his eyebrow raised. 

“Nope. Just gonna watch it play out. They should have fought for each other a long time ago,  it’s time to find out if they will.”  Mandy says lightly swinging back and forth. 

\--

It’s three days until the wedding, everyone is out of the house leaving Mickey and Steven alone in the house together. Mickey isn’t stupid, he knows his girls are up to something and he can pretty much bet that they dragged Ian into whatever they are planning.  He knew he should stop it, he knew that more than anything, because the man sitting next to him on the couch deserved somebody that would. And yet he hadn’t made a move to stop whatever it was that was happening. The truth in the forefront of his mind, the truth that he couldn’t stop.  He should call  Ian if he asked him to stop it he would,  he would do it for him. He knew that. 

“Why do you take the gifts?” Steven asks him quietly. “They aren’t romantic…I know, maybe I shouldn’t think they are…but why do you take them?” 

“You don’t think they are?” Mickey inquires. He silently wonders how Steven couldn’t know him well enough to know that to him, those small inconsequential gifts were beyond romantic. 

“Are they for you?” he asks. 

“They are. Steven…you was always the one into all that frilly romantic shit, I have never been. We weren’t raised like you.” 

“We? Do you still love me?” Steven asks and Mickey looks over at him suddenly. 

“Of  course I love you.” He says suddenly. 

“Like you love him?” the way his voice cracks, breaks Mickey into a dozen pieces. It hadn’t just been his own feelings he had been entertaining but he had been leading himself up to this. 

“You can’t ask me that. You can’t compare that. Ian and I…it were different back then. There can’t be a love like that.” 

“OK. What if you would have lived like we do now? Not in the shadows, if you would have fought for him or him for you. Mickey, I need to know. I don’t want to stand up at that alter alone, and I don’t  want to wake  up in a few years with you hating me because you can’t have him.” 

Mickey leaned over and tilted Steven’s face to his own. 

“What Ian and I had…was unlike anything. I can’t lie about that. I also won't lie and say that he will let me go because  I don’t think that’s his plan. You are kind and generous man…and I do love you. I do.” Mickey said sadly in the moment not really knowing what he wants to do.  Does he want Ian to give up on him, again…or does he just think he will at some point? 

“but you love him in a way that you can never love me? Then why say yes?” Steven says broken and a little hurt. 

“It wasn’t like that. I said yes because I want a life with you. The kind of life I should want for me and my girls…and he was this thing, this person that I hurt and then who broke me. I didn’t know the reasons behind his actions, I didn’t really want to know.” Mickey hung his head. 

“and if he does this grand gesture. You’ll be with him won't you?” Steven asked needing his own clarity. He had never been that guy, the pathetic guy that stuck around just to get his heart broken. Mickey was and had been an extraordinary man and he had fallen in love with him but even he could admit when the end was near. 

“I don’t know. I just don’t know.” Mickey says hanging his head. 

“What is it about him?” Steven asked standing up and walking a few steps away. 

“There is no way to explain that. Ian is the fire that you can’t help but put your hand in over and over again. HE has hurt me but he has saved me. I know that’s not what you want to hear.” Mickey gets up and places his hand on Steven’s shoulder. 

“Do me a favor…” Steven says turning to Mickey with tears in his eyes. 

“yes?” Mickey says. 

“make him work for it. You deserve someone who will fight for you. And I would, if I thought for a second you wanted me to fight for you I would.” Steven says sighing. 

Mickey pulled him into his arms and held him. For all of the things that they were. He wasn’t a cruel man, not anymore anyway. And he thought about that, he didn’t know if  he would  take Ian back, not really but the fact that it was a possibility even made his head and his heart aches for the possibility of it all and the possibility of knowing that made him this man who was standing in front of his fiancé and hurting him anyway. 

\--- 

Mickey didn’t tell anyone about what had happened with Steven, he wasn’t ready to talk about it. He told the girls he had some things to take care of. Sure he had a wedding to deal with and a whole lot of other shit, but he knew what people would think. That his ending things with Steven automatically meant he was diving into Ian's arms. That wasn't it at all. It wasn’t and besides that, he had yet to see exactly what his ex-had planned and what his daughter's roles in it were. So here he was, just processing in his own time and he was tired of it all. He needed a damn nap. 

==


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: To enact a plan and try not to fail.

==

Ian was at a loss for words. He had to do this, this was his last chance. Last ditch effort to get Mickey back into his life.  The girls had come up with this big elaborate plan. Some runaway bride shit. It was funny, really. The imagination on these girls, Ian showing up at Mickey's wedding like some kind of white knight, in some lemo, begging him to run away with him. It was all set up, and it was the night before. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do this to Mickey. He had to tell him the truth, he wouldn’t embarrass him like that. 

Which is what brought him to Mickey's door at 3 am, the day before said wedding, possibly a little...or a lot drunk.

"Ian...What are you doing here?" Mickey asked raising his eyebrow.

"I have to tell you...there's this thing, a plan...your girls are super creative...but I cant. I cant do it."

"Why not? Just not that into me?" Mickey asks joking, but he shuts up as he takes Ian's appearance in. He is obviously torn up about all of this. And he should just tell him the truth. But he didn’t. He just listened Ian go on about this big plan. A plan had he actually been getting married tomorrow, he would have killed Ian for and grounded his girls for an extreme amount of time. 

"No..I cant do it to you. I love you, ya know. I always did. I just you...You deserve everything. Everything. I am messed up and crazy, and I overreact, and I let my head take over when my heart should and the other way around. Mickey, I have loved you, since the very first moment your skin touched mine. I just, I let it all get messed up at some point and I cant not love you. I have tried, god have I tried, and I will never be happy without you. But...You deserve the world. And if this guy...if he's better than me, if he loves you the way I never showed, or if he treats you a million times better, then I will walk away, if you love him, more than you loved me.  I'm here because I won't embarrass you in front of your friends and family but I still have to say what I have to say.  Mickey..." He takes a deep breath.

"Ian..."

"No...let me say this. Mickey...Tell me you love him, that he completes you and I will walk away, I will walk away and I may die a little each day, but it will be okay as long as I know you are happy and in love. Because You are everything Mickey, you are the world. I will do whatever you ask of me." Ian says, the tears falling down his face.

Mickey just stares and smiles a little. Ian...his Ian. He had loved Ian for a long time, and nothing could ever compare to that kind of love.

"Ian...Look at me." Ian looks up and Mickey steps down the steps and places his hands on the side of Ian's face. "I can't right now...I cant give you what you want...yet." Ian tilts his head in confusion. "I'm going to tell you something, I am not getting married."  Ian's face lights up. "It isn't because of you, not completely, It's been over, and yes I would have killed you for that grand gesture shit, but I feel what you feel, you need to know that.  But if you love me, like you say you love me, I need time. I won't do that to him...Jump heart first into this with you. If you want me...really forever kinda want me...then give me some time, to deal, then...maybe we can start over. Try this shit the real way...not like we did before. But like all grown up and shit." Mickey says looking at Ian, trying to make him understand.

 

"Like...dating?" Ian asks smiling. It was something they had never done. He understood what Mickey was saying, it would be a shit thing to do right now. He didn’t want to let Mickey go, he needed something. Some sign that it was all worth it in the end. "I'm going to do something...I need...just once." Ian says leaning in to kiss Mickey, lightly and Mickey lets him, looking at him and smirking. It was just like he had remembered it.  "I will...wait. You are worth whatever I have to do...Come to me when you are ready." Ian says walking away.

\--

Three Months Later:

Ian walked up to the door, in the late night …or early morning hours, whatever you wanted to call it. He knew that Mickey would be cranky at being woken up so early, so he had contemplated not coming over until later, but he was running on his last bit of energy and he wanted to see Mickey for a little bit before he went home to collapse for hours. This energy wouldn’t get him far, but seeing Mickey usually took him a little further.

The last few months had been good like they had been getting to know each other again. It started off with some friendly hang outs, here and there and now they practically saw each other every day. It wasn’t yet where he wanted it to be but he was working on it. He had in the meantime gotten closer to the girls, Which is how he had the key he was pulling out of his pocket at this moment.  Z and Ty, which they liked to be called had simply stated that they didn’t want any morning interruptions if he needed to get in for any reason after one of his nighttime shifts. Turns out this was such the occasion that was fitting. He took a deep breath and unlocked the door sneaking into the house. He didn’t even know what he would say, he had never before shown up like this, he had been doing exactly what Mickey wanted every step of the way, trying to show him things were different, giving Mickey all the power back, but it had been a really hard night, and he really needed to see Mickey.

He suddenly jumped when he heard the deep voice from the couch. He didn’t even see his face in the dark, but he knew he was smirking.

“Whatcha doing their firecrotch? Breakin in to get the good stuff?” The voice was light and jokingly, and had Ian had more energy he would have laughed and shoved Mickey over a little on the couch and made some flirty comment. He was sure of it, but instead he just made a light dejected chuckle. And moved to sit down on the couch. Mickey seemed to notice the pure exhaustion not saying another word as he pulled Ian to him and let him lay his head on his chest. They talked about their days lightly as they relaxed on the couch until Ian could barely keep his eyes opened. He sighed audibly and speaks lightly. “I really just wanted to see you tonight, I should get going.” 

 

Mickey looks around nervously, biting at his bottom lip.  He’s contemplating saying the words that are in his mind. Even though this is a big step for him. For them.  Ian doesn’t seem to notice Mickeys internal battle.  He just gets up slowly and thanks Mickey sweetly for always giving him what he needs. He kisses Mickey lightly on the lips. Mickey pulls him down harder kissing him with more force. He wants him to stay, he doesn’t want to ask but he knows he’ll have to.               Ian’s hand is on the door before the words escape his lips. It's low and cracked. “Stay,” He says. He wonders for a second if Ian can even hear him but when he stills. He knows he heard him.

“I’m too tired to stay. I want to hang out with you more. I’ll come back in the morning. Annoyingly early even.” Ian offers. Mickey likes that Ian respects him and his life that he never pushes for more than Mickey is willing to give him.

“Or you could stay up and wake up with me.” He says lightly, getting up and walking over to Ian, pulling him away from the door and pulling him into a kiss. “Stay with me.” He says, he knows he sounds needy but he doesn’t give a shit right now.  Ian doesn’t even answer him, just wraps his arms around him. Mickey takes that as all the answer he needs. He just wants Ian here with him tonight. They had spent the time since they were rediscovering each other, talking out all the things both of them had done wrong. The hurting each other, the punishing each other. They were finally in this place that they could both be comfortable with.

Even with the girls. Mickey had never seen someone take to his girls so completely. They were a Milkovich sized handful after all.

They crashed onto the bed, and as sure as anything was, navigated to each other instantly, getting undressed and under the covers, within minutes they were making out under the covers, holding each other. It was soft and beautiful and unlike anything either one of them thought they would ever be.

They fell asleep that night, cuddled up in each other's arms. Perfectly content on where their relationship was right now.

Mickey woke up early, to check on his daughters, and make some breakfast, sending them both off to school with a kiss on the cheek.

“Dad?” Z asks.

“Yeah?”

“Why is Ian's car here?” She quirked an eyebrow at him knowingly.

“Hush. Go away.” He jokes and she just laughs.

“Haveeee funnnn.” The girls sing in unison as they walk out the door, and he rolls his eyes at them. Whatever. 

He walks back into the room, fully intending on curling back into Ian’s arms When he sees it as he is at the edge of the bed. Ian is completely passed out, but his morning erection is staring Mickey in the face. Not really surprising, they hadn’t been intimate yet, not fully. And it was early morning, but damn if it does something to Mickey, stirring up all of his own urges. Reminding himself, that he had missed his “me” time last night.  He stared for a minute, his own erection begging for the attention of its own, he let his hand roam across the front of his boxers, he groaned lightly, before crawling into bed. Under the covers crawling up Ian’s body, looking at every inch of it.  He placed a kiss to Ian's leg, and then his thighs and licked his lips but moved past where he wanted to put his lips. 

He kissed up his chest and then his collar bone. His body was buzzing, begging for Ian to wake up and take him like he used to. Every inch of his body was on fire and Ian wasn’t even awake yet. He would have to change that, he let his hand touch Ian’s cock on the outside of his boxers, he didn’t stir but his body did. Moving up for more friction and Mickey smirked at that.

He thought about it for a minute and nodded, he slowly removed his own boxers before starting on Ian’s. He looked for his lube. And started stroking Ian, to full hardness which didn’t take long. The little sleepy moans escaping Ian’s mouth was telling him, he was starting to stir, if only just a little. He wondered what Ian was thinking about in his dream land right now.  He moved down, for a little taste of Ian, before, touching himself, opening himself up.

“Mickey.” Was the soft whisper from Ian. Mickey looked, nope not quite awake, he was dreaming of Mickey. That’s all it took. He couldn’t help himself he straddled Ian and sunk down slowly onto his cock until he was completely full and seated. He moved lightly, urging Ian to wake up. And he smiled brightly when Ian not only woke up but shot up, looking at Mickey with wide eyes.

“Good you’re awake…did all the work for you…now all you have to do is lay back and watch.” Ian's eyes were still wide and sleepy but he didn’t protest, he just moved his hips up to tell Mickey to get on with it.

Mickey started moving slowly, enjoying the burning, and stretching from finally feeling full again.  He started moving harder, needing more. Needing to hit that spot, almost, so close to hitting it, and then, the best thing in the word happened Ian reached out and stilled mickey looking at him. His eyes full of fire. He held Mickey in place as he started pounding up into him, moving his hips just right and Hitting the spot Mickey had been searching for. It felt so good, so fucking good.

Ian moaned out. “Not gonna last Mick. You feel so fucking good.” He let out. Mickey nodded, already so close himself, he reached up to stroke himself, feeling ever bit of how amazing this was, and the emotions and orgasm washed over him at the same time, Ian followed soon after, and Mickey collapsed on top of him.

 

“Fuck Mick. What got into you?” Ian asks when Mickey tries to move he pulls him back down. Not letting him escape his grasp. Not yet.

“Complaining?”

“actually I was wondering so I can wake up like that, all the time.”  Mickey chuckled and slapped him on his arm.

“Since I did most of the work, you can go make me breakfast. Like a good house-husband should.” He didn’t realize he said it until Ian chocked, coughing erratically, apparently, he was in the middle of taking a drink of water. The bottle of water from last night.

“Umm…I didn’t say that.” Mickey said and Ian laughs.

“Does a house-husband get woken up like that everyday…if so…where do I sign up?” he says getting up and pulling Mickey with him.  “Come to watch me cook. Maybe you’ll get bored and decide to blow me during breakfast.”

Mickey rolled his eyes.  “Already thinking about it. Let’s get a move on. I have plenty of things id like to do to you today.”

\--THE END--

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think.


End file.
